Category: Humor

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Stupidity

Lightfoot does her Harris imitation

Here is a little good news for those folk in Chicago: on a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero

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Bee Sting

Another spot on observation

From the Babylon Bee: Dr. Fauci Gets In Heated Debate With Seventeen Previous Versions Of Himself.

WASHINGTON, D.C.—After a brief temporal anomaly occurred in Washington, D.C., causing a version of Dr. Fauci from just two weeks ago to materialize in the city, the current Dr. Fauci got in a heated debate with the manifestation of himself from the past. Full story here.

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I Hear It’s Nice There This Time of Year

This over at The Sun (with pilings on by international ‘others’).

Prince Harry has been told he should “move to Zimbabwe” if he doesn’t understand he’s in the “crosshairs” of the American paparazzi.  Joe Siracusa, a professor at Curtin University in Perth, Australia, said the Duke of Sussex also needs to learn how the First Amendment works in the US.  It follows Harry’s criticism of the amendment, which protects free speech, as “bonkers”.

“If Harry doesn’t understand that he’s in the crosshairs of the American paparazzi, that is the American media, then he ought to go for a long walk somewhere and move to Zimbabwe or some Asian village or maybe some Chinese fishing village somewhere. 

It’s a great story – you’ve got a royal who married a grade B actress. He spits out the dummy and goes to America.

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Vote By Mail (Works Every Time)

As seen at the Babylon Bee:

WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a historic move, the U.S. Senate decided to switch to voting by mail for Trump’s second impeachment trial. After all the votes were counted by an intern in a back room with no cameras, the Senate ruled to convict President Trump of incitement to violence by a vote of 8275 to 3.

“Our holy democracy has spoken,” said Senator Chuck Schumer. “Do not ask any questions or you are a blasphemer against the sacred sacredness of our vote. Everyone can go home now!”

A couple of troublemaking Senators attempted to overthrow the Constitution by bringing up the point that there are only 100 Senators, making it impossible to arrive at a tally of 8275 to 3, but they were quickly removed from the Senate Chambers and condemned for “attempting to suppress the votes of people of color.”

The Senate then moved on to other business, passing universal healthcare by a margin of 320,000 to 4. 

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Monday Mornin Rollin Round

Here, you better take this:

Because if your wife was a Monday morning this is what you’d be staring down:

If your boss was a Monday you’d face this at work:

You’d slave all morning. . . .

Take a short lunch break. . . . .

Spend the afternoon immersed in office politics

Until it was all you could do to finish the final hour . . . .

And then Monday evening greets you:

And you realize the world is not quite so cruel, else wise there’d be multiple Mondays each and every week!